Thursday, May 20, 2010

Even if you have to cry...

I dont even know where to begin. I have so many thoughts and feelings festering that I just don't know which one should come first. Please bare with me as I hash out this evenings events (and all that entails).

I believe that all creatures have a right to reach their full potential whether it be an animal or a child. I support hunting fishing and farming as I believe that all things serve a purpose BUT I am certainly one to intervene when I feel that someone isn't playing fair whether it be man or mother nature.... Maybe mother nature is merely a referee. Perhaps that by intervening in the first place it was I that was not playing fair.

I knew it was coming all day. After several failed attempts to syringe feed little chick, I had the realization that keeping her alive any longer was torture in its cruelest form. As I drove to pick Sissy up from school I had to wipe the tears from my eyes. I knew what I had to do. I desperately pleaded that she would be dead by the time I arrived back home but mother nature wasn't going to bail me out this time.

I heard little chick frantically peeping all the way in the kitchen just as she had been for the last 24 hours. Her injured beak was now even more mangled from trying to eat her own leg. When an animal cant eat, in the midst of a starvation frenzy they will attempt to eat anything... even parts of themselves. I can only imagine that kind of suffering.

My dad told me he would do the deed. I escaped a similar circumstance last year, ever since then I had felt like I had been buying my time. I may not always have someone else here that is capable of dealing with these issues. It was my responsibility and that fact weighed heavy on my mind through out the day.

After I put the children to bed I walked to the barn in the pouring rain to finished what I had started. After I buried her body, allowing her energy return to back to the earth, I sat down underneath the shed roof. I needed a minute to reflect. I watched the rain beat down on my little piece of heaven. I held my head down and began to cry...

As I walked back to the house the rain had eased into light sprinkle. The sun was starting to drift below the tree line. The sky was painted in beautiful shades of blues pinks and purples. I noticed a faint rainbow in the distance. As I gaze upon the fading colors painted on the horizon, I was reminded that there is some beauty in each and every day...

This is a journey and you must be prepared. Be prepared. When you homestead there is not any "if" this happens because it will. There will be a time when you have to make the call. When that day comes know that it is your responsibility to follow through with the commitments that you have made... even when those commitments make you cry.


  1. I'm so sorry Leigh. After raising puppies for 25 years, we've lost a few through the years. It never gets any easier. I do my best to save them, but sometimes it's just not enough. You did your best too. Be proud of that.

  2. Hey Leigh,
    As I've said before me dear, it's all part of the cycle. Sometimes we have to perform actions that we find hurtful or even abhorrent to others and to the detriment of our own soul. But it would have been a far worse thing to leave little chick, or any other life to suffer in this way, so believe me that you did absolutely the right thing. To take the responsibility upon your own shoulders is the hardest action of all, many would shy away and close their eyes and ears hoping that the darker side of life would just move on past without knocking, but it'll always call at some point, eyes closed or not. I know that this won’t have been easy for you and it may not seem like it now but it will make you stronger. It’s nice that you “allowed her energy” the return back to mother earth, it’s just the cycle after all.
    I hope that my blathering has helped you a little and made sense (it doesn’t usually!). I’m looking forward to hearing some more tales from your hand soon.

  3. I can understand how you feel. Raising animals is a great and wonderful way of life, but sometimes we have to do things we do not wish to do, for the animals sake.

    I hope this day finds you feeling better. =)

  4. Thank you all so much for your support. Sometimes even when deep down inside you know that you did the right thing, its always welcoming comfort from others comfirmation. I can sleep soundly knowing that I did what had to be done and that it was I whom followed through with my responsibilities verse letting someone else do my dirty work for me.
    Thanks again for all your support. ;)

  5. It is one of the toughest parts of loving animals, isn't it. Whether it is losing a dog or cat to a car, or illness, or old age, or trying to save the life of a chick (or 5... I lost 5 bantams in their first 48 hours with me), it is the dark side to loving animals. But, it is important for all of us who DO, to learn this, and I think it makes us better people, better caretakers of the earth and its inhabitants, to love and try and lose and cry, then not to love at all. I think our tears of sadness over animals are the most important rain that the earth has. I'm always comforted to know there are kindred souls out there who also cry over lost chicks!