Even if you have to cry...

I dont even know where to begin. I have so many thoughts and feelings festering that I just don't know which one should come first. Please bare with me as I hash out this evenings events (and all that entails).

I believe that all creatures have a right to reach their full potential whether it be an animal or a child. I support hunting fishing and farming as I believe that all things serve a purpose BUT I am certainly one to intervene when I feel that someone isn't playing fair whether it be man or mother nature.... Maybe mother nature is merely a referee. Perhaps that by intervening in the first place it was I that was not playing fair.

I knew it was coming all day. After several failed attempts to syringe feed little chick, I had the realization that keeping her alive any longer was torture in its cruelest form. As I drove to pick Sissy up from school I had to wipe the tears from my eyes. I knew what I had to do. I desperately pleaded that she would be dead by the time I arrived back home but mother nature wasn't going to bail me out this time.

I heard little chick frantically peeping all the way in the kitchen just as she had been for the last 24 hours. Her injured beak was now even more mangled from trying to eat her own leg. When an animal cant eat, in the midst of a starvation frenzy they will attempt to eat anything... even parts of themselves. I can only imagine that kind of suffering.

My dad told me he would do the deed. I escaped a similar circumstance last year, ever since then I had felt like I had been buying my time. I may not always have someone else here that is capable of dealing with these issues. It was my responsibility and that fact weighed heavy on my mind through out the day.

After I put the children to bed I walked to the barn in the pouring rain to finished what I had started. After I buried her body, allowing her energy return to back to the earth, I sat down underneath the shed roof. I needed a minute to reflect. I watched the rain beat down on my little piece of heaven. I held my head down and began to cry...

As I walked back to the house the rain had eased into light sprinkle. The sun was starting to drift below the tree line. The sky was painted in beautiful shades of blues pinks and purples. I noticed a faint rainbow in the distance. As I gaze upon the fading colors painted on the horizon, I was reminded that there is some beauty in each and every day...

This is a journey and you must be prepared. Be prepared. When you homestead there is not any "if" this happens because it will. There will be a time when you have to make the call. When that day comes know that it is your responsibility to follow through with the commitments that you have made... even when those commitments make you cry.