Wednesday, June 13, 2012


My husband and I sat waiting in the lobby at the Baby Bump for our ultrasound. I quietly glanced around the softly painted room, along the walls there were pictures of newborn babies perfectly positioned creating clever photos similar to the style of Anne Gaddes. I just looked on, not ewwing or awing, just staring. I intentionally avoided eye contact in fear that someone would say something that would require a verbal or physical acknowledgement. I was so drained. I didn't feel I could even muster a fake smile. I felt tired and emotionless. The morning had drained me. I didn't have much left in me. 

My husband has rushed home from post  to meet me there. He was dressed in his military uniform. So was the man in front of us. He was with an attractive lady. She had the same tired exhausted overwhelmed look on her face too. My attention was pulled by her expression. I watched the couple closely and silently sent a prayer for her... for him. 

Just as I turned my direction back towards the pictures to my left. My husband instantaneously dropped to one knee, grabbing my left hand in his and proclaimed his love for me and our unborn baby. His eyes were so scared and so sincere. Most females would swoon over such a pure and brave public display of affection but I think I was a little embarrassed exhausted and too drained to care. I glanced at him and stared softly into his eyes...

 We had been through a bit of a rough morning... I was having a hard time even being there. My head pounded, my eyes laid heavy from a night full of tears. This life, in the smallest second...seems like everything could change. Its so fragile... so delicate... 

The ultrasound technician called out my name. My husband quickly stood. He was so eager. We walked back into a nicely decorated but very dark room. A song similar to this one playing now was softly playing in the background. 

She put the cold gel on my stomach and slowly started our ultrasound. Our little baby was projected to the big screen directly in front of us. Our baby illuminated the room and in that moment... he shined on my life. We watched our little one kick, flip and thumb suck. Suddenly feeling, that thing called feeling that I thought had poured from my soul that morning...returned. My smile became real and my chest began to swell. I could feel again.

 I heard my soldier beside me start to sniffle. I glanced over to see the tears streaming down his face, staining streaks down his skin. When the technician said we would be having a son, he nearly jumped from his seat. He was beside himself with joy.

We sat, watching our beautiful little unborn baby boy. We watched his delicate legs stretch, little fingers move and toes press against me. We watched him pull his hand to his face and slowly our baby Andrew soothed himself to sleep... and then I cried too. 

There is the wind that rips us, the tide that beats us, the rain that pierces us, the people that drive wedges, the distance that separates us... and all so fragile, delicate this life is, how it weathers the soul until the sun... The sun shines illuminating our world and we are reborn.

My son, he shines...

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Country living

I was driving back home from the homestead when I saw the prettiest thing... Square bales of golden hay dotting along the field...