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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Vessel of Life

The first time I talked to the car salesman last week I thought I was literally going to be sick. I have made so many wrong decisions, I cant afford to make another one. Even though, inside, I had wished that someone else could make the decision for me, I knew that I had to do this on my own... by myself... for myself...

I researched the possibilities. I went back and forth with the pros and cons. I listened to the guidance of my friends and family. I did everything that I could have done in order to make the best decision. Although, I ultimately ended up purchasing the first car I test drove, it wasn't the only car. I know I made a good decision. It was the right and practical decision for my new life. The funny thing about good decisions is that they don't always make us feel happy.

I did everything I was told. I negotiated. I walked away from the table. They called me back and Monday evening we started the paper work. I was purchasing my very first vehicle, all by myself!  But the entire time, there was this dull pain in the pit of my stomach that I just couldn't quite figure out.

Today, my colleague (and good friend) took me to the dealership to pick up my new car. When I pulled in, it hit me, "I wont be driving Big Red anymore...". I know its silly, but at that moment my heart sank. That truck had been with me during what I hope was worst parts of my life. We have so much history together. It accompanied me when I went to seek inspiration from  the quiet country side. Her low hum often soothed my breaking heart. She escorted me to dinners with beloved friends and family. She safely carried my loved ones on fabulous adventures.... And together we witnessed breath taking views....

It wasn't the proud tears of independence, or even about parting ways with an old  friend.  It wasn't the relief of a fearful newbie reaching the end to a painful car shopping experience. Today I walked away from the truck that literally bore the weight of Come By Chance. She pulled horses in trailers, hauled lumber, chickens, goats and happy children...  In short? It was a symbolic farewell.

This evening, we said our goodbyes and parted ways. On the quiet drive home in my new fuel efficient Nissan Versa, I didn't wipe away  just a few tears. My shoulders shook with heart breaking sobs. And for every mile home, my new car quietly whispered.... "in due time... in due time..."....

I cant say that today was the beginning of my new life but it was definitely a defining mile stone along this road of mine...


Where is this new vessel going to take me?  Who knows!?!