I will speak of the unspeakable. I will admit to the things that everyone thinks but no one says it because its socially unacceptable. I am saying it, now! I will not be a prisoner to societal rules! O no sirree I WONT!
This has weighed on my conscience for some time now. I figured it would be best if I confessed, possibly shedding the filthy guilt that I feel with in this teeny tiny frigid cold heart of mine...
I like one of my kids more than the other. There, I said it! UGH, I feel just awful about it too!!!
In the beginning I even worried that I would favor Jessica more than Jasmine because she was this cute little well mannered kid. Jasmine was an ornery wild stinker that made my life hell for those first few days. Jasmine made me work really hard for her affections. So how did this happen? Why cant I love my goat kids equally?
I try to pet them equally and give them the same amount of snacks but deep down inside I KNOW! I'm always afraid that Jessica will figure it out... ya know... that I like Jasmine more. Its not like how I love my own kids. You know, equally but differently. No its not like that at all because I know I could never choose between my own two children but now with my goat kids... I could choose, and without much thought to it. I feel horrible about it but "You can not give the heart what the heart doesn't want"!
In order to put perspective to the situation I have tried to imagine the several "what if" scenarios, such as in the movies "Alive" Or "Vertical Limit". I don't know why we would be flying to Antarctica or why(or even how for that matter) that the three of us would be dangling off of a cliff somewhere, but my point... I thought that by visualizing these extreme scenarios, it would put things in a positive light. I could reflect and then be like, "OK I couldn't choose", But my revelation is far to grim for even a non-conformist like myself to say out loud! Lets just say I could choose! (How horrible, right!?)
I don't know why I love Jaz more. Perhaps its because all the time we spent together in the beginning. I am sure that my great love is from the hell we went through in the beginning. It brought us closer. I am proud that those first few weeks didn't break us. Perhaps its because of our success together. It was like fighting a war together, we saw a lot of horrible things but in the end we walked off the battle field together and as friends! Lord knows those first few days there was blood shed.
Either way my favoritism weighs on my conscience... Jasmine is just so funny and corky... And look at her sweet little smile! Her smile is enough to brighten any ones day. Jasmine is a great break dancer!<-Just click here to see some of her moves!
O and the way her ears fly out when she runs... HELLO, ITS ADORABLE!
She is just one hell of goat. That can not be denied. Who wouldn't love such a cool kid!?
I'm actually feeling a little better now. You know, the first step is admitting you have a problem. Now maybe I will be able to work on my relationship with Jessica. Perhaps I will take her for a stroll later, just the two of us. Yeah that's what I will do or maybe split cookie together or something.
I'm going work really really hard to get to know her better. How horrible would it if she were to have a complex or even carry some sort of animosity towards Jasmine!?
I mean, she is pretty sweet and after all she is sort of cute too...