Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Voices in My Head; The Internal Conflict

Tomorrow, one of our Nubian dairy goats (Jasmine) will be arriving. I am very nervous about getting her. She is very skiddish, almost wild. I keep having these visions of her getting loose and never catching her again. The only reason I agreed to buy her is because of her pedigree. Mistake number one. I am aware of this. I think I may already be having buyers remorse but its still too soon to tell. I will know for sure when every time I look at her I puke.

I am praying that it is my pessimistic imagination running wild again. But.... but what if its not!? What if it is my intuition telling me "BAD IDEA"! My intuition tells me that all the time! You would think I would be familiar with the voice! Naw probably not. I never really listen to the part of my brain. Anyways, I typically dont recognize the screams of my intuition until after that fact.

I keep trying to shake the feeling that I am in over my head. I suppose I will do what I always do when my gut is telling me to step back... Shake it off and merrily skip along forward. I'm hard headed. What can I say!? You cant tell me anything!

Seriously though, I mean how hard could it be? Men have tamed wild grizzly bears before... Right? I mean its just a little goat. How hard could it be?
(Now, all the seasoned goat farmers chuckle)

I am really hoping that when I go to pick her up, she may be nervous but catchable and even maybe just maybe... friendly perhaps? See I recognize that voice. That's the optimistic idealist speaking. I always listen to that voice. Its calm and soothing, all so very serene. Who wouldn't be drawn to that voice? Not like the loud obnoxious screaming voice of my pessimistic intuition! Yes, I just resorted to name calling a part of my subconscious mind. That's right! I called my intuition pessimistic!

"Intuition, Don't you know when you scream no one listens. Why cant you be calm and soothing like the Idealist? Optimistic Idealist never screams. Optimistic Idealist prances merrily along road sides watching the butterflies and smelling the flowers."

"Yeah until a bus runs her over"!

"Intuition, now that just wasn't nice"!

O lord its worse than I thought.... I am actually talking back to the voices!

On a positive note, (that's the optimism speaking again, of course). When my optimistic idealist wins the internal struggle and I (often) find that I am left with a mess on my hands, my optimism is forever present. Its there waiting and truly capable of cleaning up any mess.

Okay, so that soft alluring voice may encourage me to walk into a massive brier patch.{{{Shrug}}} But its also that same bright sunny voice that I can hear over the chain saw as we cut our way through.

The conclusion: I will never learn.

We will get through this together... Just me and you Kid.



  1. But she's SOOOO cute. Seriously, I am JUST. LIKE. THAT. I used to think I was just "impulsive" - but I've sort of outgrown that impulsiveness, but yet, the hardheadedness, the "you can't tell me anything," and that dreaded "buyer's remorse" of which you speak, remains. I can't tell you how many times I have regretted something I've done that I THOUGHT was such a great idea at the time. Sigh. Some of us must just be built this way. :)

  2. Leigh - She looks very much like Bonnie (our doe who just gave birth). How old is she? We brought Bonnie and Clyde home at 4.5 months. They had both been raised in a herd setting and while they weren't wild they were definitely not tame (or calm). It took approximately 4-6 weeks but believe me they get use to who comes to feed them, brings treats and is going to scratch their backs. She will come around, I'm sure of it. They are just too dang nosy to stay aloof for too long. Plus, they are SO much fun!!! Enjoy the challenge and relish the experience....after all it's just one little goat!

    Pessimistic Intuition - Be gone! ;)

  3. I have never been impulsive. I always think through my bad decisions before I make them! Heehee :) I think you are right. I have always been the way I am... Im embracing it now. :)

    Jasmine is also about 4.5 months old. My biggest concern is the way we are set up for feeding time, she will have to be stalled to eat. So in order to eat she is going to have to come to us. I am going to keep her in the barn for a while until she gets a little more use to me. As of right now... she runs a way from everyone. I am hoping that by her being the only goat here (only for two weeks) that she will warm to us. The only time she has been handled has been traumatizing (shots hoof trimming and disbudding). Maybe a little TLC will set her straight? Ill keep everyone posted on the progress. I think it will all be okay... I must have the new momma jitters.

  4. Leaving her in the barn/stall for a while will do her good. She'll start looking forward to your trips to see her. Find a treat she likes. She'll be as aggravating as a new puppy before you know it. Although I'm sure she'll like the company when it comes as they like to have a herd.

    Speaking of new momma jitters just wait til they kid. Cher looks like she is going to pop. I'm thinking it's been snowing all day, damp, wet, will be down to 30 tonight.....perfect kidding weather! ;)

    I can't wait to hear how it goes with Jasmine!