This past weekend my family and I packed our bags and headed to the mountains. Although we had planned the trip a month in advance I wasn't sure if I even wanted to go until the night before. Its not that I don't like getting away. Its not that I don't like to experience new things either. I use to love to travel. Its just... its complicated.
I have yet to blog about my life just before Come By Chance and it will take me a long time before I am ready to revisit that time in my life... but I will say this.... this past weekend I realized that the circle of healing is almost complete. I was anxious about going away for the weekend because in my life before... we traveled. Packing for the trip reminded much of the past. I didn't want to go to that place again but Lee and I both agreed that its good for the kids to get away, to see and experience things that they cant at home. But regardless the anxiety was still there. I remained somewhat anxious through out the trip.
We took the kids to do all the fun kid things in Gatlinburg on Friday. They did the Build a Bear Workshop (Knoxville) , Ripleys Aquarium, Mirror Maze, went swimming, and ate every bit of junk food known to man. I think they had fun but they continually asked when we were going to go see the "BIG MOUNTAINS". The mountains was what the kids really looked forward to. They enjoyed doing the other activities but as our priorities had changed I realized so had theirs. They didn't care about all the other plunder, all they cared about was hiking up the mountain, being around nature... existing among a real world.
I thought it would be such a disappointment for the little ones because it poured rain off and on the only day that we allowed for the hike. But I was surprised that they were just as happy driving through the vast mountain sides enjoying the views of amazing landscapes and wildlife from the truck window. There were a few times that the rain held out long enough for us to get out of the vehicle and look around but for the most part our exploring was limited. They still had fun and that did my heart well.
I realized while weaving through the fog filled Smokey Mountains that I was in a sacred place. The kids finally conked out in the back seat while Lee and I quietly drove through the emblematic scenes of heaven. It was like a spiritual cleansing.
I realized that though the pain from the past still lingers in my head from time to time, we all have grown from our individual demons. Our priorities have changed, the things that should really matter now truly matters not only to my husband and myself but also to our children. I also recognize that no matter how much the past tries to cripple me, I will carry on as I am now aware that I can still move on when fear wants to keep me frozen in place.
Heaven has a way of calming a distressed spirit and that exactly what this place did.
It was more than just a trip...