I learned a lot about my self today.

Shopping today taught me a lot about myself. Not a lot of it was pretty either. I am vain. I stereo type. I have the mental capacity to commit acts of violence. ;)

It really sucks to get a glimps into how the outside world views you . . I am getting older. (sigh)

OK, so maybe I am little vain. I never really thought I was until today. There are certain times in your life when random people that you don't even know, some one you have never even met before, can point out your weaknesses, your insecurities. In a split second my self absorb vain world was revealed to me. Today, a random stranger gave me a punch in the gut, a slap in the face, a dagger through the heart, a bucket of ice cold water poured over my head. This is a prime example of why I hate to shop. If a size 5 jeans isn't insulting me by refusing to button, there are overly helpful sales people lurking behind each clothing rack or better yet, you get blessed with a check out clerk like I had today!

I was wrapping up some Christmas shopping today. I really don't like to shop much these days so it only took me a few minutes to find my purchases and locate a register. I laid my items on the counter as a pretty young blond starts to ring up my purchases. I hand her a check. She glances at the name, then says, "Do you have an older son in high school because there is boy at my school by your last name."

Being ONLY 26, I stared at her for a good 3 minutes. During those 3 minutes I envisioned at least 4 different ways to kick someones ass. Finally I came to and said "No, No I don't have an older son in HIGH SCHOOL"! She may as well of asked me when I am due (no I'm not pregnant)!

I walked out of Old Navy pissed at the world. This is why shopping is hazardous to your health! My blood pressure soared!

I have to say this though. Its not that wrinkles and gray hair bother me. OK, maybe it bothers me a little but it is the getting close to the end that really gets me. Its the lack of adventure, the settling into a mundane life that scares me. I am a mother but I don't want to look like a stereo typical mother either. (Another flaw the clerk indirectly brings to my attention, I stereotype too!) I am afraid of getting older. I just cant help it. This is a true fear of mine. I seriously worry about getting older. Death particularly scares me. I am young I have so much to do! When I think about getting older, I feel like I get the wind knocked right of me, a feeling like I cant breathe. Like something is happening that I dont want to happen but there is nothing, absolutely nothing I can do about it. Unless you have my same fear, you probably find it hard to sympathize. Sorry if you dont understand.

With my impending birthday just around the corner, everyone had already heard my grievances about getting older. I dont look at it like I am gaining a new number! I am loosing minutes/years here people! Anyways, I think everyone is pretty well sick of hearing about it. So I did my best to shut up about it for a while. Even though it was far from being at the back of my mind, I promised myself I will not think about it again. I did pretty good at it until I ran into the BP to get a pack of smokes.

I get back in the car with a big smile on my face, O HECK YES! I got carded!!!! Whoop Whoop! My day had been rectified! I had to share my good news, (So much for not thinking about it), "That means I look younger than 18"! I had no more had those thoughts enter my mind when I noticed a big yellow sign on the door "If you look younger than 40 you will be carded". Freakin A! It just took the wind right out of my sails. Well at least I look younger than 40. :(

Ok so dont judge me. I am not as wholesome as I thought. Its been a rough day. sheesh!!!