Aug. 17th 2007

Aug 17th 2012 the children were still asleep when I looked out of second story bedroom window to see if it was still raining. The storm had moved out and left the sky a silky gray. Some say its gloomy but I find it to be a quite nice and cool soothing morning. The water droplets gently moved down the window pane as I took a moment to reflect.

Today is much different than the Aug 17th 2007. Oh, that day.... that day, I was so ready! I remember waking early but I took my time getting Alexandria ready. I bathed her and plaid-ed her hair in french braids. I had her "fun" bag sitting on the counter in the kitchen. I peeked through it real quick to make sure I hadn't forgot anything. I had her a coloring book with crayons, a small story book, some little crayola clay sticks, and a little baby doll wearing a baby blue hat. I wanted her to feel special as well as to have plenty to occupy herself while she waited.

She was so little too!

My mom came over that morning and I reviewed the schedule with her. I had to be at the hospital by 10:00am or so. In order to not push our luck with the patience of a toddler my mom was going to stay a while at the house with Alex until I gave her the call.

It was a long drive to Nashville. Apparently it wasn't long enough though as I had filled out my paper work I had to wait about an hour or so before we could go up. I was starving and the hospital was filled with the aroma of breakfast.

I was finally escorted upstairs to prepare for the birth of my first born son. They laid the gown on the table and left the room from me to change. I stayed in that room for what seemed to be hours. I walked over to the window.

 Middle TN was having the worst heat wave and drought that they had had in years. Temperature spiking as high as 111! The window pane heated my face as I watched the cars move 5 stories below me. The marble window ledge was surprisingly cool sending my body a mixed message of hot and cold much like my emotions.

I was ready to meet my new little boy but it wasnt a good time in our lives. The business was failing, a shaky marriage, another responsibility, a mouth to feed...I looked down and watched all the people hustling and bustling across the busy sidewalks of the Nashville Medical District and I felt so alone. But I remembered, "Its a boy"! He will be a good boy and grow up to be a great man. He will be strong but gentle. He will love and be so loved. I shook off my slumber and walked back over to the bed. I knew my son was suppose to be something special and amazing.


The anesthesiologist came in to give me my spinal. As soon as it kicked in they would move me to surgery. Soon I would hold my baby boy.

I will never forget that moment I saw him for the first time. Its probably one of those moments that only parents understand... It was like angels singing. He was beautiful! He was everything I ever dreamed he would be. I was in complete and total AWE!

He had dark brown hair and the big beautiful eyes. I will never forget the moment that our eyes first met. I was cradling him in my arms and he slowly stopped nursing. He gently turned his head an with an inquisitive expression on his face, he look up at me. It was almost like he said, "Um... ok... uh wow, there is a person attached to these bottles".

All the craziness that had been worrying my mind previously faded away. My little boy was finally here! I had two beautiful precious babes!

Everyone was thrilled to have him in our lives. Our family congregated around to see this sweet angel.  Alex wasn't sure what to think about her baby brother but he soon won over her heart.

Yes, this morning Aubrey and I have already looked through all of our photo albums and we went through his baby book. We ew and awed over the memories...

I told him about how little his feet were...

and how he has the most kissable cheeks....

We talked about our memories of his birth together. I choked back tears as I told him my version of the story and..... then he told me his version.

He said with great conviction,"Momma I was so SCARED", as if he was recalling an event from yesterday. He asked me if I remembered him crying and I told him that yes I did recall that. He said, "Momma I was crying because I was scared. Here I was sleeping and then the next thing I know I'm covered in blood!" He scrolled through the albums to give me "proof". I laughed at "his version" and gave him a tight hug. "Aubrey, momma loved you so much she would never let anything happen to you". He squeezed me tight and looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said, "I love you and your always going to be my princess".

Everyday I am amazed by his inquisitive nature...

His gentle heart...

His deep thoughts...

His sense of humor...

And the intense love he has for his family...

No matter how old he gets, he will always be my baby boy and I will always be his princess.

Happy Birthday! I love you!